DeusExMachina

I'm freaking drained...

2008-07-01T02:28:00.000-07:00

I will explain with three links...
The Olympic Trials
My Work
The Proximity

New Job

2008-04-15T02:40:00.000-07:00

Just to let all you folks out there know, I work at McMenamins. Come visit me at the East 19th St. Grill. We can have a few pints! In case you don't know, McMenamins is one of Oregon's biggest breweries. We also have some damn good food. I do enjoy the fact that we sell beer to go. In fact I'm enjoying a pint at home right now!
Love and Peace!

Blah...

2008-04-09T01:02:00.000-07:00

That's how I'm feeling about music right now. Any advice? I can't seem to write a damn thing. My guitar sits by me all day long and I have absolutely no desire to play it. Nothing. That's frustrating to me.

On the political side of things... This election was Hillary Clintons to lose and she did just that. Don't get me wrong. I like Obama, but he had an uphill battle and I am not sure how much he really did to solidify anything, Hillary just keeps screwing up. I'm okay with her losing, but I don't think Obama has done enough to get the general election. I hope he has.

Speaking of Hillary... I'm all for the ethical treatment of people of every nation and every race. That being said, how will boycotting the opening ceremony of the olympics help that? She thinks in support of Tibet, we should boycott opening ceremonies. That hurts two groups. American broadcasting companies and athletes. The broadcast in every other country will still be widely watched and China doesn't care if we show up or not, the show will go on. However, US companies will lose viewers. It's also the first olympics for a lot of athletes and they would love to be a part of that. So, yeah, let's bring Tibet up in every interview, let's make signs, let's wear clothing emblazoned with Free Tibet slogans, but let's be logical. Who are we trying to reach?

New Song

2008-03-30T03:12:00.000-07:00

Just so anyone reading this knows, I have a new song up on my myspace.

Not so deep...

2008-03-26T16:24:00.001-07:00

Thanks to all who commented on my last post, I appreciate your input.

A quick update. I'm working at a lame call center. Still living in Eugene. Trying to get a job at a local pub. Loving the fact that my wedding is only 5 months away. Not loving that my current job won't buy us a trip to the grocery store. Oh well. Life is good. Ya know. It's awesome to sit back and think how minor all our problems are. Then, of course, I think of the real problems in the world. Not loving that. Anyway. Miss you all. Much Love!

PS if you know of a job in Eugene, LET ME KNOW!!!

Imperium in imperio!

Thought #1

2008-02-26T05:38:00.000-08:00

I'm going to try to make my thoughts accessible, so I'll seperate them into seperate posts. On to thought one.

As a Christian, I'm struggling. I'm struggling to understand how other Christians can support the current conflict (not technically a war) in Iraq. Yes, this is a tired subject. I'm tired of hearing about it. I'm tired of hearing people complain about it. This isn't about the politics though. This is about the Faith side.

As I understand it, Jesus is all about love. He preaches it often. In the book of Matthew (in the Bible) Jesus says the most important commandment is to Love the Lord with all your heart. The really interesting thing is the second most important command: Love your neighbor as yourself. See, love is so central to what Jesus is teaching. We are to Love the Lord. And the Greek word there for love (ἀγαπάω) is the same in both texts. So we are to love our neighbors with the same love as we have for God.

Check this out: The Greek word for neighbor (πλησίον) translates "any other man irrespective of nation or religion with whom we live or whom we chance to meet."

So, we are to love pretty much the entire world. I cannot fathom how we, as Christians, can then justify being in any situation where lives are destroyed, mamed, or ended. This seems to be outside the realm of Jesus teachings.

This is where I struggle. Jesus is so intent on letting us know about love. This is the key to following him, yet so many Christians have this idea that we are fighting this extremist Muslim regime in a way that God would approve of. Let me clarify that I have not heard anyone come out and say this. I have however been to churches that have very pro war sentiments.

This is where it gets messy. We are at war. As Christians, should we not be on the side of humanity? Life? So many Christians scream "Pro-Life," yet support a war which takes so many. Shouldn't we be trying to restore the world? Isn't life that precious? Is the life of a Muslim worth less than our own? What will it take to show love to people? Can I do this on my own?

Please, join me in this thought. I welcome your comments and additions to this, the first of many thoughts.

Ich erlerne Deutsches!

2008-02-19T05:05:00.000-08:00

ed italiano!

If you aren't... that means I'm learning German and Italian. No, not in school. I got that damned Rosetta Stone software and for the love... it works. You should all get it (or email me for a copy). It's incredible and you really feel like you are learning a lot and quickly.

Anyway, I didn't break my silence to tell you that :) And I didn't break it to tell you how it's 5 in the morning and I'm not waking up, I'm going to bed. Or that I'm totally rocking out to Stevie Wonder and Marvin Gaye at 5 in the morning.

No, I didn't do it for that. I also didn't do it to announce Stacey and My Engagement, although that deserves it's own post. Which it got... but then Blogger decided to delete it. (So for those who didn't know, WE'RE ENGAGED!!)

In all honesty, I don't know why I'm blogging. But it kind of feels good. It's comforting... Like a drag on a cigar or cigarette or clove or whatever you light up. Like the hidden track on the Trademark CD. Like an old sweatshirt.
(Ebony and Ivory just came on my speakers. How good is that song?)

I've been talking to Cody B. a lot and I've got a lot of questions for you theological folks. A lot more for you religious folks. And quite a few for those who are searching like I. So, if anyone is still subscribing to my blog or checking it EVER, I'm sorry, but theres a storm a brewin' in my head. It's about to be unleashed in the next day or so...

Love you all. Hope you are all doing ok. I miss you.

Once in a great while

2007-07-20T11:41:00.000-07:00

I post.

Things have been crazy! A quick update... I've been working for the local college for a bit now. I've been their video tech. That has been fun, but now it's summer. No job, but with school coming back up, I can't get a job for a month then quit for school. I'm going to be going to the University of Oregon (Go Ducks!) but that is an hour away from home, so i need to get a job near school. Stace and I have been frantically getting her moved in to her new apartment, which I'm sure she'll post about.

I found a new musician friend in town. Well, ok, we've known each other for years, but never worked together. Now we've played a few shows together and we're generating quite a few fans. Hopefully this can be the start of a good thing. As some of you know, our dear friends Jasen and Amanda are moving back to Cali! So, instead of a 6 hour flight, they're a 6 hour drive from us! We're pretty darn excited about them being back. Now, Stace and I can drive down and see her parents, Jasen and Amanda, and Ryan and Holly in one trip! Yay!

Stacey is officially a 2nd year nursing student now and I'm officially a 5th year junior... I'll be blatantly honest, I'm tired of school but I don't have this drive to keep going. I'm at the point where I want to play music and use the skills I already have. But, I'm going back anyway. I keep hearing this "get a degree" voice. So, I'll listen. I miss all of you!! And, I think I'm back on here. We'll see, but if I post at least one more time this week, we'll know for sure. Lot's of big topics I want to post about...

Waiting for the world to change...

2006-10-01T03:13:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been since April. I'm back. I don't have much to say except life is good. Stace and I have such a great time living life. She's officially a nursing student. And I'm officially back in school with Political Science as a major.

Here are my life updates. I don't work for a church anymore. I miss it off and on. Miss the interaction and the growth. Don't miss the political bull.

I am now working for the man. I am a Dell sales rep. I am at the highest possible sales rep level before taking a pay decrease to become a manager. I gotta admit, it's a fun job. And you can all shake your heads, but you are reading this via computer, whether Mac, Dell, or other... so... yeah.

My dear friend is signing his life away on the 8th to join a pointless losing battle, but I love him, so I support him, not his decision.

On that note, I best go before I get pessimistic. But, trust me, I'll be back on here soon.

Love and miss you all!

A picture for you

2006-04-06T01:36:00.000-07:00

or you or you...

I broke my camera a while back and just got it fixed this week. So i thought I'd take you on a little journey..

And, no, that's not me smoking. I have friends who have cigarettes and I had film...

Thought Process

2006-03-20T13:30:00.000-08:00

I've been struggling a lot lately with thinking about what I need.. or think I need. So, today I went out to lunch with my dad. He took me out and gave me some cash to pay some bills, since I don't have a job yet.

We got to talking about his retirement. He retires next year. He wants to go into financial planning as a little side project. But he's struggling. He knows that Jesus wasn't about getting people rich. He also knows Jesus was about bettering peoples lives.. Not monitarily, but spiritually. So we got to talking about how he loves investing and helping people do it, but how can he justify making rich people more rich when people all around the world are starving and homeless.

The thing is, my dad and I often argue about things like money, not that he's into health and wealth, it's just that we don't often see eye to eye on things like homeless people and the causes. So, to hear him say he's struggling with the same things I am was awesome. We did talk about it for a while. We both decided that making millions is not inherently bad.

We looked at people like Bono. You know, he doesn't have the skills to go out and be a doctor to people with AIDS. He does have a gift for writing great music. If he can make money off his talent and give the money to causes like the AIDS epidemic or ONE. So my dad and I came to the fact that as long as greed is off the table, he could use money to fund projects he may not have the skills to participate in.

All in all it was really good to hear that my dad and I aren't as far off from each other as we both think..

Freedom to Teach?

2006-03-03T01:43:00.000-08:00

Ok, so, lately my posts have been fluff. Here I go at a political post.

I just got done listening to Jay Bennish teach his High School Geography class. The teacher was suspended for comments he made about the State of the Union address from Bush. He also made negative comments on capitalism. Now, in listening, two things went through my head... the first being "right on." The second was, "hmmm, maybe in college, but high school?" Here are a few quotes:

"capitalism is at odds with humanity, at odds with caring and compassion, and at odds with human rights"

"the United States is the most violent nation on the planet."

"when profit is the bottom motive, money, money is going to become more important than... safety, human lives, etc..."

This next quote was written down while listening to the audio, so there are a few errors, but the important parts are all there:

"He started off his speech by saying America is the country that should dominate the world, that we have been blessed, essentially, by God, to have the most civilized, most advanced system, and that it's our duty, as Americans, to use the military to go out into the world and to make the world like us. Sounds a lot like the things that Adolf Hitler used to say, 'we're the only ones that are right, everyone else is backwards, and it's our job to conquer the world and make sure they all live just like we want them too.' Now, I'm not saying that Bush and Hitler are exactly the same, obviously they're not. But there are some eerie similarities to the tones that they use. Very, very ethnocentric."

So, I love what he says, but I wonder if it's too much for High School. Thoughts anyone?

Fair and Balanced View of Jay Bennish (yeah, it's sarcasm)

2006-02-05T22:21:00.000-08:00

A tribute

2006-02-05T01:31:00.000-08:00

To Jasen Ashdown.. Cause we all know, deep inside this is how Jay WANTS to post on his blizzog

My List

2006-01-30T21:09:00.000-08:00

Nikki,
Here ya go...

The Color of Paradise - An Iranian film about a blind boy and his struggle of living in a poor community with his less-than-caring father. Truly heart-wrenching.

Children of Heaven - Another Iranian film about a young bot and his even younger sister growing up with loving parents who can afford only one new pair of shoes a year for their kids. The movie is just a few days out of their life. No big plot. No twists no turns. Lot's of tears.

Pieces of April - Before she dated Tom, she was a good actress, and Katie Holmes was perfect in this film. A girl, estranged from her family makes one ditch effort to get back on good terms... the ending may or may not surprise you...

I have more, but I can't think of them all... Get those and I promise you won't regret it...

Guilty Pleasures?

2006-01-27T09:40:00.000-08:00

Thanks, thanks alot for picking me Stacey... I've been tagged, not with spray paint, but with this guilty pleasures quiz. So here they are.

1. Myspace. I know, it's the devils website, but somehow, I get so excited everytime I see "New Messages!" It's like, a deep joy in my heart. But I don't have emo picks up, don't worry.

2. Stacey guessed this one, Apple Computers. Everyday I check the website for updates. I love it. I even buy MacAddict magazine.

3. Music Stores. Both CD and instrument shops. I love just looking through them. I don't have to buy, just browse. So much fun.

4. Independent Stuff. Movies, Music, Art. I love the rawness of indie stuff. No one telling the artist what it's SUPPOSED to look like. for a list of my favorite indie movies, leave a comment.

5. And finally. My guiltiest pleasure... Project Runway. Which Stacey also guessed. I LOVE that show. Daniel Vosovic is my hero. He is an amazing designer and he seems to have a good heart. Nick Verreos, well, he's second... Santino Rice... Go away.

So, I'll Tag Paula... Do you even still read mine? If you don't post yours, I'll have to change my tag...

A new song for your listening pleasure

2006-01-25T21:27:00.000-08:00

An Abridged List Of All My Fears

My newest love...

2006-01-24T21:59:00.000-08:00

Ben and Jasen raved during the summer, but I ignored it (much like I ignored Tyler of Biola fame when he told me about Sigur Ros) and then I realized, I was missing out. So, today I picked up the new(est) album, In a Safe Place. Much to my pleasure, I found the song that Rob Bell uses on Nooma #10. Beautiful. So, don't be foolish like me, check em out!

Odd...

2006-01-14T16:51:00.000-08:00

Hey, Iran, no nukes, we wan't world peace! By the way, as I'm asking you to stop, I'm going to bomb Pakistan and kill 17 (most likely) innocent people. Oops, we got bad intelligence again.. our bad... but, yeah, no nukes.

Lyrics I found appropriate

2005-12-24T17:37:00.000-08:00

Oh my name it is nothin'
My age it means less
The country I come from
Is called the Midwest
I's taught and brought up there
The laws to abide
And that land that I live in
Has God on its side.

Oh the history books tell it
They tell it so well
The cavalries charged
The Indians fell
The cavalries charged
The Indians died
Oh the country was young
With God on its side.

I've learned to hate others
All through my whole life
If another war starts
It's then we must fight
To hate them and fear them
To run and to hide
And except it all bravely
With God on my side

Oh the First World War, boys
It closed out its fate
The reason for fighting
I never got straight
But I learned to accept it
Accept it with pride
For you don't count the dead
When God's on your side.

When the Second World War
Came to an end
We forgave the Germans
And we were friends
Though they murdered six million
In the ovens they fried
The Germans now too
Have God on their side.

But now we got weapons
Of chemical dust
If fire them we're forced to
Then fire them we must
One push of the button
And a shot the world wide
And you never ask questions
When God's on your side.

In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.

So now as I'm leavin'
I'm weary as Hell
The confusion I'm feelin'
Ain't no tongue can tell
The words fill my head
And fall to the floor
That if God's on our side
He'll stop the next war.

My ink...

2005-12-12T11:08:00.000-08:00

I know they aren't much, but they are mine, so, I'm sharing them with you.

For all you who want to see the camp video...

2005-11-30T10:56:00.000-08:00

The Intro

The Movie

Check this out

2005-11-30T01:26:00.000-08:00

CLICK THIS

Read it.. It's worth it.

I've become that which I hate...

2005-11-23T09:02:00.000-08:00

No, no, I didn't start reading Left Behind. I'm not a republican. And no, I didn't join a megachurch.

I bought two copies of Macaddict magazine. And what's worse, I read them in about 30 minutes. What a loser.

Anyway, not to much going on right now. I'm pretty much working, recording, and sleeping. Lame, I know, but hey, such is life. I have more thoughts coming though. Like the beast. In Revelation. What is it? Has Christianity become a beast? The once love-filled way of life, now turning into a hate-loving, war-supporting, blind religion. Just something I've been pondering.

Finally Up

2005-11-17T17:32:00.000-08:00

Two sites up now worth checking out...

Verve

the Jeff Wetherell tour

My Little Nurse

2005-11-14T16:50:00.000-08:00

So, there she is. My little nurse.. I love her.

Petition

2005-11-11T01:00:00.000-08:00

Is there a way to petition that Pat Robertson be excommunicated? His recent remarks about Dover, PA, are outrageous. He sounds more like a terrorist than a pastor. So, I don't know.. Leave comments let me know your thoughts about Pat.

Here are some of the recent quotes:

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God. You just rejected him from your city"

"God is tolerant and loving, but we can't keep sticking our finger in his eye forever," Robertson said. "If they have future problems in Dover, I recommend they call on Charles Darwin. Maybe he can help them."

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,175247,00.html

All the violence

2005-11-04T14:08:00.000-08:00

As I drove around today I noticed some protestors. They had poor arguments scribbled on their signs about why we should end the war. This thought hit me...

When I tell people that I am opposed to the war, the most common response is "Well, how should we have taken care of Saddam." Good question. Or is that even the point? As Christians, who are called to bring the Kingdom to earth, to love, to bring Shalom, are we to even be concerned with the dictator (other than his reconciliation)? Or should we be more concerned with bringing all the aforementioned things to the people in suffering? If we (myself being the hypocrite here) would just follow Jesus, I think there would be less of this "stuff" going on. War, violence, riots. Maybe I'm just an idealist, but I think that it could be that "simple." Simple, not because it's easy, but because it's kind of a no-brainer.

Please, I'd like some feedback on this one. Could following Christ by bringing peace and love be the way to end war and erradicate poverty and bring the world to a new level?

Drawing a blank...

2005-11-04T01:59:00.000-08:00

Anyone hiring worship leaders out there? Please?

I need a job, badly. My money dissappears fast. And I don't buy much stuff. Just lots of bills. But, I'm done begging, tomorrow I go look for a graveyard shift job. That should put my hours well over 75 a week. Yay, for bowing down to the man!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Okay, I'll fill you in

2005-10-25T00:36:00.000-07:00

I'm going on a sort of mini excursion thru SoCal this Dec. One place that has approved my playing is the Roxy. The Troubadour is considering and the Viper Room is impossible to get ahold of. Also, the Casbah in San Diego is also considering. Old Ironsides in Sacramento is a go. Fox and Goose is also on my hit list. So, there ya go. No official dates, but when I have em, I'll post em.

BTW

2005-10-23T23:17:00.000-07:00

I'm playing the Roxy in December...

Thank you God

2005-10-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I witnessed it. Shalom. Restoration. Community. It is in fact possible. Many thanks to Randy and his family. You guys were amazing.

Let me explain. Stacey and I made a new friend and brought him to church. This guy knew no one but me and Stace. But Randy befriended him. They talked for almost an hour after the service. Then Randy introduced George (our friend) to his family who welcomed him as one of their own for the short time they spent together. It was just amazing to see. So, anyone else who was there and was kind to our new found friend, thank you so much. He needed it and couldn't stop talking about church. You were all a blessing in his life. And it brought tears to my eyes. More than once.

Doubt part 2...

2005-10-17T16:03:00.000-07:00

On my drive home today it hit me. Is community even possible today? I mean I know it is, but is it?

We live in such an individual society. Be on your own and you''ll be fine right? I just don't know. I lead worship at Verve, our newest service, and we are trying to build a community. But it feels like everyone is just running through the motions. Come, get your free coffee, talk to your two friends, go home. That's it. What does it take?
Then I think of SCU where I used to go. We had a better, more full, community, but it was still lacking. It took me 4 months to feel welcome, and even then, I didn't feel completely IN.

So, my question is, is it possible in America with our individualistic indoctrination. And if so, how? I mean I know that God created us to live in community, so why is it so hard to do?

Watch out, I may post again today...

I don't think it's doubt...

2005-10-17T15:52:00.001-07:00

Man, I've been down lately. And why? I don't know. Stacey lives here, positive. I'm getting good feedback on worship, positive. My friendships here are great, posiitve. But something isn't right. It could be all the bills and debts I have. Those really suck. And I'm not getting paid much and have no other job, but I don't think that's it either.

Pastor Ron asked if i'm in a spiritual funk. Possibly. He said I could remedy that with "time in the text" but I don't know about that either. It seems like reading the Bible will only bum me more seeing as I don't know what to make of a lot of it (read:revelations, love, anti-war sentiments, being subversive). I do know that I just haven't been burning with passion for Christ like I have in the past. It sucks. I feel like I know him better than I ever did, and that should lead me to love him more, but what the hell is wrong with me. I get up to lead, I sit and pray with the band, I talk with the pastors, but I don't feel complete. Something seems to be missing, or maybe I'm missing. Maybe my heart isn't completely in this.

I'm hurting, but I can't seem to find the cure. I can't read about it. I can't pray for it. Well, the truth is maybe I can.

So pray for me. I'm burning out and I'm 22 and an intern. If I can't handle this, what can I?

Pray for me, I'm devoting Friday to being alone with God. Bible in hand. Guitar in the other. And the wilderness around me. I need to figure myself out. Or something like that.

I was barren but now I'm pregnant.. or something...

2005-10-13T23:06:00.000-07:00

So, after a year of not writing one single song, I have three separate ideas brewing.

Idea one:
A worship song that's almost finished about my disillusionment with church. A sample line: "My disillusionment, it's what illuminates you." Maybe lame, maybe. I don't know, it feels right to me.

Idea two:
If you live in Hucrest in Roseburg, you know about the little old man who smokes cigarettes and waves at every single car that passes. I mean every one. Smiling all the while. He's a really happy looking, inviting guy. Anyway the song is going to be about how he probably knows more pain and hurt and love and loss and anger and depression and hopelessness and faith than I will ever know, yet he finds joy in brightening my day. He can sit and wave at us and be happy. In a world of hate, murder, violence, war, and bigotry, this guy hits home how I want to be.

Idea three:
I just received an email from a scholarship notification website, the scholarship is given for the person who makes a video which is to be their interpretation of the phrase "Even one person can make a difference" Now I haven't completely thought this out, but I think I'm going to make a video... and a song for the soundtrack... I mean, sure, one person can make a difference but am I alone in thinking that while one can make a difference more could start a revolution. I talk and talk about revolution, but sooner or later I need to get off my @$$ and do something.

Anyway, any thoughts?

PS: The camp Staff Video is complete. Leave me a comment and your address if you want a copy. And you can donate to the DVD cost ...couple bucks if possible, but if you want a copy and don't have money... just leave your name and address and we'll get ya a copy! Much Love

But I Tell You now

2005-10-12T10:58:00.000-07:00

Well, I've had the new Cobalt Season album for a week now. I didn't want to just post the day I got it, because it wouldn't be a fair representation of my real thoughts on the album. So, my real thoughts...

This album is truly astounding. I can't take it out of my CD player. The raw, beautiful emotion in every lyric is what all music should be. From dissilusionment to anger to love, this album covers it all. It is for anyone who has ever gone through anything in life, so it's for everyone. At times it's brash. At times it's mellow. At times you'll just nod your head and say, 'damn...how true."

What I am saying is buy this album. It's well worth it. And check out the deals at the Cobalt Season website.

I'm sure I'm going to get fired...

2005-09-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

Got a call from Jesse this morning. He's another intern here, great guy. Anyway, he calls to tell me we are going to be having a coffee meeting with some Erwin McManus video. Cool, he's an emergent guy. Turns out no one could find the video, so instead... we talked eschatology. Maybe you've read on my blog before, but I hate eschatology. I think it is a waste of our time. We sat and watched these seminary videos putting down everything but the pre-millinial view. Now, I am not against that view, well, yes I am. More important though... who could we have helped or talked to someone instead of talking about the end times. Cause honestly, if there is a rapture.. oh well, I was wrong. If not, oh well, you were wrong. If both of us are wrong, it doesn't matter, it's not the heart of following Jesus... which by my best guess is why Jesus NEVER talked about it....

So, can we stop?

You can tell a bigot... but you can't tell him much

2005-09-27T01:03:00.000-07:00

It's starting to hit me how much of a bigot I used to be. And I fear becoming a postmodern or emergent bigot. So let me clarify my position:

God is Good. Jesus is the son of God and is LOVE. Therefor we should be good and Love. We should adhere to Christ and His teachings. That can take many forms. Through post-modern, traditional, contemporary or any other style of worship, teaching, or living. No one has the full answer, so stop acting like we do.

Jesus is tired of bigotry.

A Lump kind of day

2005-09-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

You ever have those days where you get called on your bluff. You know the bluff... the one where you have it all together, but in reality, you are a mess. Yeah, that's my day. Humbling.

So, to anyone in my mess, I'm sorry I've put on this facade.

the soundtrack of my day "In the Deep" by Bird York

You started crying, I started crying...

2005-09-12T15:31:00.000-07:00

I should be sleeping. Last night, Stacey, Cody, and myself drove 7 hours from Oceanside to Sacramento. Then Cody and I departed for the second half of our trip back to Oregon. We got in about 7:30 this morning. But we had fun. We discovered some of our favorite songs! Ben Lee is amazing. Check him out. Also, Ryan Sharps venture, The Cobalt Season...Incredible. He has some moving and challenging songs. I'll post some links when it is available. I would recommend everyone who can breathe buy it. Then sing along.

Well, I started this post backwards. The reason we were in LA area you ask? We went to our dear friends wedding. Jasen and Amanda Ashdown... Congratulations! This was the most awe inspiring wedding I've ever been to. Jay and Amanda were both so excited. It was obvious that this was the best day of both of their lives! When Jasen started crying... I was drawn to tears myself. Then I had to get up and sing while choked up. I've only known both of them for a total of 2 years, but they are both the kind of people who make you feel like you are a lifelong friend. I love them for that. I want to be like them! They have joy together. Happiness sometimes fails us, but the joy they possess is unending. I know they will be together forever. Someday, they will be greeted in heaven with Ice Cream Sandwiches.

Jasen:Thanks for taking me under your wing. Growing me. Teaching me. Loving on me. I needed an outside friend to help me with so many life changing decisions, and you were there for me. Thank you.

Amanda: You are incredible. Thank you for also helping me realize things about myself. Helping me grow and learn to be who I am. You have been there to talk with and help both myself and Stacey when we were in the dark on our future. Thank you!

Both of you, may God bless these vows you have taken. May He deeply bless you with a rich life. Not money, but a deeper richness only found in Him. I pray for you both in every step of your life. I love you both!

This...from a christian site..

2005-09-08T13:25:00.000-07:00

So did God send Hurricane Katrina to punish the sinners along the Gulf Coast? Maybe. Or maybe he did it to call home some of His own, so he could tell them, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” Whatever the reason, Hurricane Katrina will remain a poignant chapter in American history. Maybe one day we will have the opportunity to ask God and Jesus why Katrina happened.

REALLY? I don't want to be associated with these people.. These self-righteous, right wing extremist, Pat Robertson loving, Nationalistians. Christianity isn't an american sport. You don't just side with Christ cause he won the pennant. You side with Christ because His teachings are amazing, yet amazingly simple. Love. So, did the Gulf Coast sinners deserve it? Who the hell cares. The point is that Jesus loved every last person who died. When Katrina hit, I'm guessing Jesus was in tears. God doesn't desire to see people die. He wants to redeem them. It has been his goal. Redemption is a process. Not a one time catastrophe that God inflicts to clear out sinners....... I am disassociating. Sure, I work at a Conservative Baptist Church, but It doesn't mean I support right wingers...

Who's gonna watch you die?

2005-09-03T01:03:00.000-07:00

So I'm listening to the new Deathcab album and I've got to say... amazing.. It's really making me think about love. Ben Gibbard has such perfect ways of talking about love.
"And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all"

How true.. It made me think about Stacey and I. This long distance thing, however short it may be, sucks. I'm tired of being alone without her. I hung out with Cody last night, but all I could think of was missing Stacey. Call me lame... I don't care.. But love really is watching someone die... And I love that I get the rest of my life with Stacey. And someday, we will watch each other die... and it will be sad, but at the same time, beautiful. What a way to end life, together, with the one you love.

I know I'm rambling, but Stacey means the world to me. And to quote Gibbard once more... Stacey "if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied and illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs...if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks... I'll follow you into the dark."

Stacey, you really are my favorite time of day. When I see you, I feel like I just woke up from some terrible dream to see the truth... that life is wonderful. Life truly is better with you by my side. Even when you are by my side 450 miles away. You are still my love. No distance could separate that. Stace, if you still don't get it, I love you. Yes, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I could type it out and say it a million times over, but it won't lessen the truth... I.... Love.... You....(period)

Peace and Love.... (especially to Stacey)

From the new iBook

2005-09-01T16:47:00.000-07:00

This is my first post from my very own iBook. It's sweet and I love being able to post from the dashboard. amazing..

2005-08-27T18:08:00.000-07:00

What's the price of love got to do with love?

2005-08-26T22:58:00.000-07:00

So, it's one of my last nights in Sacramento, and I must say, I'm not to torn up over it. Stacey is moving to Oregon in a few weeks, so, we won't be too far away...

I get my iBook in a few days and then Stacey and I get our matching iPods tomorrow! I must say, Oregon is going to be a challenge. I just talked with the worship leader I'm going to be working with and I am worried about the service we are starting. I feel like it is going to be very unstructured. I just got done working with Jasen freaking Ashdown, and we had structure to practice, songs, even hangout time. I'm going to miss being set with songs.... oh well, let God work eh?

I'm tired of being broke, so, I'm setting up a donation link for my site...

Please, if you have the spare money and you can't think of any better donation (one.org, sponsoring a child, the democratic party...) help me out!

Some of you are saying, how did he afford a computer... it's called Apple Credit.. I haven't paid for it yet...

I'm officially a User now..

2005-08-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

I placed my order for my iBook today. the G4, 80 GB, Combo Drive, 1.33GHz, IGB SDRAM.

Yeah,
I'm excited.

It's not a love, it's not a love song...

2005-08-06T18:03:00.000-07:00

Hey all,
Picked up a new book this week, well, two new books. Tony Compolo's "Let Me Tell You A Story" and Rob Bell's "Velvet Elvis" Both are genius.

Let me tell you, this week has been rough, a lot of tension in staff, and whatnot, but it's all over soon and I will be sad. Also, I'm very excited about the future. Stace is going back to Sacramento State to finish her last semester of GE and I am moving back to Roseburg to intern at a church. It will be fun.

A few thoughts from Velvet Elvis:

1. Unless we study from and completely understand the Greek and Hebrew and Aramaic that the Bible was written in, we cannot read an objective Bible. Every translation has to be translated and paraphrased.

2. Our Doctrines need to be treated more as springs than as bricks. If something presses hard on a spring, it gives and sways and molds. A brick just crumbles.

I reccommend the book to anyone who is either questioning or is scared to questioned.

On a side note, saw this shirt at camp and loved it:

"It's against my relationship to have a religion"

I'm back...

2005-07-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

I've been sitting on the beach this weekend and I've learned a lot. I've been reading Brian McLaren's Finding Faith. It has been a stretching book. I've also been growing close to Lee Beaton. He and I have had some great talks about faith, love, and God's majesty. It has been great connecting with him. Stacey and I are doing amazing as well. This weekend has helped us grow closer and we've figured so much out. I feel like God is working in us to help grow us into the couple he intends for us to be.

Here are some thoughts I've been wrestling:
1. Would Christians, as a whole, not be better off if we stopped focusing on what the Bible tell us not to do and started focusing on what we are to do. Love. Live. Love some more.

2. I don't believe we should all be relative thinkers, per se, but I wonder how the flawed Muslim perception of God is any different from our very obviously flawed perceptions of God.

3. Im tired of using the Bible as my shield. My defense mechanism. I want it to be my favorite book of literature, poetry, and good teaching. It is inspired by God. God breathed it into existence. He also breathed us into existence. It is not to be some cosmic rule book. Some end all of all conversations. It is a love letter from God to us. I don't scan every love letter from Stacey to try and prove my own points. If I did, would I be reading it like she intended... no.

May God bless you in your chasing after Him.

The Fox and Goose show

2005-05-28T00:53:00.000-07:00

Last night I had the pleasure of playing at Joshua Schramm's album release party. I was a last minute fill in, but it was fun. I started off the show and was followed by Mike Rofe. Josh played for about an hour and had about 8 encore songs, but it was awesome. Every one of his songs was perfect. Josh's new album February is great, you can find it on his website.

The Finally Home Blog is updated...

2005-05-28T00:34:00.000-07:00

2005-05-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com

Cultural Creative

100%

Romanticist

81%

Modernist

69%

Postmodernist

69%

Idealist

63%

Fundamentalist

56%

Existentialist

19%

Materialist

What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com

2005-05-21T10:08:00.000-07:00

This is the first day of my life...

2005-05-09T09:11:00.000-07:00

This weekend was odd. I missed Stace. She was in SoCal for a bachlorette party.. woohoo! I stayed here and worked. So, Sunday, mothers day, I get up early. I have a few things on my agenda. I am going to clean Staceys car out right after I write my mom a thank you letter. As I walk out to my car from my apartment, I notice a broken window on my car. I also notice the neighbors are moving, so I just assume that they accidentally knocked it out. Then I get closer and see that that was not the case. My CD player and my CD's are gone. No big deal, I mean, yeah, that sucks, but oh well... then I remember... I've been playing at open mics lately and my guitar was in my backseat... was....

So, know I am a musician with out music. I singer without a song. My Taylor... gone. I'm a little sad about it. I mean, I feel so violated. And it was a little bit expensive... and to replace it.. dang.

If you have an extra Taylor... send it my way...

I want to be the surgeon that cuts you open and fixes all of life's mistakes...

2005-04-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

I've started typing this post four times so far and I keep deleting it. I feel so void of passion. I can't write. Nothing sounds good to me. I feel like the weight of all my thoughts is crushing my spirit. I've got all these causes I want to stand for but I can't stand for all of them. I'm tired of being put down for my thoughts. I feel so trapped. I want to sing my songs, play my guitar, and make people happy with music, but I'm stuck working at a pizza place and going to school. Work is work, but I am tired of being underpaid. I know everyone says it, but I'm manager status at this place and I get paid 4 dollars less than the other manager. I don't want his rate of pay, but I'd like some sort of compensation for doing manager duties.
I hate school. I have no goal. I'm going to school so my degree is my safety net. I don't want a safety net. If I have one, I don't have to succeed. I want to go whole heartedly at my music. I feel burned out right now.

I want someone to trust in me. Tell me that school isn't a thing we should all have to do. I want to sing. I want to play. I don't want a million dollars. I want to pay the bills by playing music. Is that too much to ask?

I am not singing for you...

2005-04-06T11:51:00.000-07:00

Welcome back.

It's been a while so, I'll fill you in on what has been happening:
Cody moved down here to Sac. He now works with me. We are getting a townhouse soon. We have become true musical snobs. I haven't talked to my closest friends in a while, so Jasen, I miss you!
If you read Cody's blog, you've seen his link to hungry children. We are becoming activists. A little bit of reasoning for you. I went to PETA and was deeply saddened by two things. The cruel Seal Hunt in Canada, and the horrible mistreatment of animals we breed for food. I am in NO way proposing we all go vegan or even vegetarian, I just think that here, in the Northern America's, we have a greed problem. Why do we insist on buying bulk beef then throwing out half of it? Why do we buy a 18 oz. steak when we know we are only hungry enough to eat 10? These are problems I have. We are so wasteful. We throw out food when kids here in America go to school hungry. In America. The wealthiest still have children going hungry, imagine the rest of the world.
It saddens me. We are Christians, followers of Christ, and we can't care for his creation? We abuse animals while starving children with our wasteful greed. Why don't we stand up for the very values Christ proposed? Love? Feeding the hungry? Meeting needs? Caring for his creation?

Please, stand with us. We will fill you in on what we are actually going to be doing. You can get bumper stickers and buttons from us with our slogan in a few weeks.

Each person we encounter, let's want to meet. Heal a stranger with kindness.
buy Bright Eyes - Lifted.

Since Ryan is in Thailand...

2005-03-16T14:52:00.000-08:00

I figured I'll make a political statement.

So, the senate approved drilling in ANWR. It was close, 49-51, but it passed. Some people are very happy, others are quite upset. I stand on the astonished side. Here we decide to drill in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

Refuge - 1. A place providing protection or shelter 2. A source of help, relief, or comfort in times of trouble.

Given those two definitions, I am not at all torn in my thinking. We should NOT drill. We are paying unreasonably high gas prices, yes. Is that a problem, yes. Does it require making a refuge an oil well? NO.

The problems I see are these: First, if we drill, we are, in fact, going to destroy a lot of beautiful land. That doesn't bother too many people, so I offer this as well... Say we drill now, in 2005, it takes anywhere from 5-10 years to actually get everything up and running. Highest estimates show that ANWR will last us 20 years in production. So, when 2036 rolls around and we have completely used all of our oil here in America and so has Mexico... what then? Where do we drill? We are no where near an oil shortage right now. What happens when we are in 35 years?
Another problem is that if we have more oil in production, we will use more. We use more, we destroy more. We destroy more, we are out of luck.

So, I ask you all to protest the drilling. I don't know how, I don't know where, but let's not stand for this.

A little political statement about oil...... from an SUV driver ;)

I know how to update, promise...

2005-03-11T08:35:00.000-08:00

Good morning... it's 8:35 on friday.. shouldn't you be at school Jeff? Yes, and no. I've got a cough like no other this morning. There is no school for me. But I do still have to go cough on pizzas tonight! Anyway, not a whole lot of news, except that my boy Cody will soon be joining my efforts of taking over Sacramento! In 3 weeks.

Other news, my CD is done. It just has to go in for duplication. Then you can all purchase one from me over a highly unsecure website where I can steal millions from your accounts. But, yeah, buy one!

Stace is still sick, but I think she is kickin the thing by monday. She's having a difficult week with tests and the such. Pray for her! I'm sure she'll be updating soon. Love and peace out!

It's Up

2005-02-27T01:09:00.000-08:00

the Finally Home blog is up. Check it out and let me know likes and dislikes!

I will probably burn for this post...

2005-02-21T17:40:00.000-08:00

So, I just read Kyles post about a tattoo (I know, it was last week, but I don't have him on bloglines.) And, my mom will be mad too (I know you are reading this mom!) But, I, too, am thinking of getting a tattoo. It will be Yahweh in Hebrew. It is to remind me daily that God is my every breath. Mine, unlike Kyles, will be somewhat visible as it will be on my wrist, but not too incredibly bad. No mom, it won't hinder job interviews, It will be under where my watch goes. Anyway, I think it will be cool. It was a toss up between that and an equilateral cross. Ryan and I were discussing how the cross, before Jesus' time, was a symbol of peace. Interesting that PEACE was crucified on the symbol of peace. Dang, I like that symbolism a lot. Two tattoos is probably going to get me cut off right mom?

PEACE. +

2005-02-19T14:24:00.000-08:00

How many chances do we deserve if we screw up?

My dad has forgiven me over and over again for things. I borrowed 5 thousand dollars from my dad to buy a new guitar and a new sound system. I use borrow loosely. He payed it all off, I couldn't repay him. Then what does he do, turns around and spends money for me to go to Biola, then I drop out. Now he's helping me by while I get my feet on the ground here in Sac. And those are only my monitary screw ups. I've done so many stupid things that my dad has forgiven me for. Not only me, but my friends have done many a stupid thing WITH me and my dad has always forgiven us.

Another man I just gained much respect for is the man I hope to call my father in law. I've heard story after story of how his workers have wronged him, yet he gives them chance after chance. Men have walked out on his company only to come crawling back later... and he lets them come back. Welcomes them! I went to Thanksgiving dinner with Staceys family and there were three workers from Ron's shop there because they had no other place to spend it. These were men that have wronged him in the past.

So, what is my point? How come there are some people I know that can't forgive? They are Christ followers, yet one wrong move lands a person in a hole that they cannot get out of. We teach of love, redemption, salvation, and forgiveness... but we don't practice it well do WE? I've got so much more to say, but this is it. I can't say more without making this an attack. So, I end with this question...
How many chances would Christ give us? Especially knowing our hearts?

This is Awesome

2005-02-15T21:38:00.000-08:00

CLICK HERE

Saw a bit of heaven last night.

2005-02-10T08:06:00.000-08:00

Last night was concert night! Stacey, Jerod, Jon, and I hopped in my car and drove down to Sac State to see what may very well have been the best concert I've been to.

The evening started with a definately Emo band called The Academy Is. Jerod and Jon and I met the drummer earlier in the day at guitar center. TAI was pretty good. The singer wreaked of his Taking Back Sunday influence though. He danced and sang like Adam.

The second band to (dis)grace the stage was Armor for Sleep. The singer couldn't hit a note to save his life. I don't know if it was really his fault though. The sound guy sucked and all I could hear was the bass drum. So, he may have been having the same problem, but either way, I didn't care for there faux attempts at being Emo. With lines like "the sidewalk lends me it's back to walk upon," song titles like "car under water," and album titles such as "What to do When You're Dead," I half expected the next song to be called "Autumn Wakes with Tears in Decembers Wilted Death Run Through the Dying Unicorn." Either way, didn't care for them.

Then came the moment I was waiting for: Straylight Run. They were amazing. John and Michelle are the best brother sister team in music. They just rocked. They turned some of their songs into techno beats. But, mostly, they just plain rocked.

The headliner, Something Corporate, blew me away. I've been a fan for a while, but they were beyond words. Jasen, they are playing in NC on April 23. You WILL go see them. I mean, I'm expecting a laid back piano rock concert. They put on the best show I have ever seen. Watch this little clip. The way he rocked his piano was insane. Oh, and Konstantine... my goodness who didn't want to cry during that song. If you have never heard Konstantine, go download it. NOW.

Anyway, Jerod and Jon are still sleeping, so I should stop typing. I need to wake em up so we can get to practicing. Camp starts tomorrow and we have only 8 of the 30 songs practiced. So, long day. Much love people!

For those of us who like pain...

2005-02-03T22:05:00.000-08:00

biting keeps your words at bay
tending to the sores that stay
happiness is just a gash away
when i open a familiar scar
pain goes shooting like a star
comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...

and you might say it's self-indulgent
you might say its self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be healthy

pens and penknives take the blame
crane my neck; scratch my name
but the ugly marks
are worth the momentary gain...
when i jab a sharpened object in
choirs of angels seem to sing
hymns of hate in memorandum

and you might say it's self-indulgent
and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be happy

and sappy songs about sex and cheating
bland accounts of two lovers meeting
make me want to give mankind a beating

and as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought
that even if i quit there's not a chance in hell i'd stop
and anyone can see the signs
mittens in the summertime
thank you for your pity, you are too kind

and you might say its self-inflicted
but you see that's contradictive
why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?

and pain opinions are sitcom feeding
they dont know that their minds are teething
makes me want to give mankind a beating

and no-one cares if your back is bleeding
they're concerned with their hair receding
looking back it was all maltreating
every thought that occurred misleading

makes me want to give myself a beating....

Crash Course in Stupidity

2005-01-27T08:00:00.001-08:00

Well, Mom, have no fear, I won't become a Muslim from my Islamic studies class, but my anthropology teacher is trying like crazy to get me to buy into some half arsed theory of evolution.

Just for the record, I believe that God could have used macro Evolution, I don't however believe he did. I have a hard time believing that God needed to.

Here is my biggest problem with it: If we are to believe that there is survival of the fittest, then those in between prototypes would have had no chance at life, they would have been killed off before being able to mate and move along the changing genes. For Example

If the gene for the opposable thumb on the monkey foot were to transform into the gene for the straight toe one the human foot through years of evolving, all the monkey/humans born with the toe slightly bendable but not bending enough, would not have been able to hunt for insects in the trees or walk upright on the ground. They would have had no balance or grasping ability. If they did live long enough to mate, they wouldn't have been able to actually do their monkey business of mating...

So, all of you who know how to defend evolution, explain this for me. I'm not saying you can't, I'm just saying I don't see it. And my Anthro teacher CANNOT teach it. Anyway, peace and love!

My Struggle

2005-01-15T14:46:00.000-08:00

So, I’m just going to be upfront and honest with all my readers here… I’ve got about $700 to my name right now. I tell you this because I am wrestling with a few things. First thing being, I want a mac laptop. The one I want is only $990, but my 700 is already going to be eaten up by rent, phone bill, and other such things. I also need to think future, but the laptop is my way of looking future. I am a worship leader, all worship leaders need mac laptops. I can’t run powerpoint without some means of powerpointage. So, if someone has a mac they don’t want, I’ll take it, or if someone knows of some good deals… let me know.

The real reason I tell you I only have $700 is this: I know that Christ’s call for us to help the helpless, feed the hungry, house the homeless, and give to those who are in need is not just a nice thought. It is essential to our following. So, here I sit, almost broke, finding myself led to help those in need. But can I? If I do, will I not soon be one of those in need? My parents are my source of income until I get a job. Then this thought crosses my mind, “at least I can get a job.” I mean, have an interview Monday. How many people would kill for an interview? So, I need some input, mom and dad, you can comment too (you just click post comment and log in as anonymous.) ;) Should I not follow the call of Christ or should I sort of realize I am in need and my parents are helping me and once I get money and a place to live, then I can help… but Christ doesn’t say that.. dang it. He says we are to give everything to follow him and if giving is included in following then I shouldn’t worry about saving up for myself, I mean what good is my security if there are millions in poverty. I can at least help can’t I? Oh, I am so struggling with this.

I'm fire, You're the Ocean

2005-01-13T22:53:00.000-08:00

So this has been a crazy few weeks. Moving from Mission Viejo to Oregon to Sacramento. Now, I'm back down in SoCal putting vocals on my CD. Looks like it will be out by Christmas '07. ;) My dear friend Jasen and I are both going through tough times these days. Trying to figure out what life has in store. I'll let him tell you about his own life, but both of us came to this place where it came down to weighing out what good has come from us being in SoCal. I would never give up my time here. From being at Biola to camp to working at SCU. Here is why... If I did, the greatest thing in my life would never have happened to me: meeting Stacey. She is my life.

That being said, today was the day we mark as being together for half a year. So I need to get mushy and tell her these things, so you can read or not. Its up to you!

Stacey,
You are my life. You are my completion. You are flawless. You are the light in my darkened world. I am nothing without you. I need you. You are the missing piece in my life. You have shown me love. You have shown me beauty. You have become the truth in my world of make believe. You are the reason I can go on. Know that you are my love. You are my life. You are my one and only. I read that there is no such thing as THE one and only for a person. I can't believe that. I just can't. If that is true, there would have to be someone else in the world that could make me as happy and hurt me as deeply as you can, and I just cannot believe that. You are my one and only. Love is not some formula, it is what I know because of you. You are love. Thank you for that.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there today to celebrate with you. Tomorrow. I love you.

Tsunami

2004-12-30T01:34:00.000-08:00

This whole thing blows my mind. I'm sitting up watching the news and wondering how this happened without warning. Then I found this chilling warning for America. Apparently there is a volcano called Cumbre Vieja in the Canary Islands. This volcano has a chunk of rock hanging out over the ocean. Mind you, this rock weighs about 500 BILLION TONS. I'm not making that number up. 500 billion tons of rock crashing into the ocean. Apparently that causes a wave 75 feet high once it hits NYC. Here is the article on it. Creepy.
The thing is, we have warning systems, but we are also more heavily populated. What do you all think?

Please comment on my photos

2004-12-23T17:18:00.000-08:00

Go Here

Love of Christ in action?

2004-12-18T11:18:00.000-08:00

Reading the news today I found a survey by Cornell University stating that almost half of Americans want to limit the civil liberties of Muslim-Americans.

This struck me as odd. Why should people be limited? It's racism. We all complain about racism, yet we feel like we should hold back their rights. It's as if we think that a persons faith makes them less of a person.

Here is what lead me to blog:

"Cornell University found that Republicans and people who described themselves as highly religious were more apt to support curtailing Muslims' civil liberties than Democrats or people who are less religious."

So, how do religious people justify? Here we sit, people of "religion" saying we don't want other people of "religion" to have rights. Wait... Don't we throw fits when Christians are persecuted? I think as Christians, we should be out there on the front lines saying how much we feel these Muslim-Americans deserve freedom of religion and freedom from oppression. Our country is founded on the idea (not always acted out, but still...) that no one should be forced out of a religion because of the state. So, let's step up as Christians (and non-Christians) and fight this oppression of our "religious" brothers and sisters!

Christ said that his people would be persecuted... we Christians are not getting too much of that here, but the Muslims are... something to think about.

Goodbye Southern California

2004-12-12T09:57:00.000-08:00

Well, folks I'm retiring from the life of SoCal. I love all of you that have been with me down here. Special shout outs!

Cody:
Bro, you've helped me so much when in financial trouble. You introduced me to some great music! I look forward to seeing ya soon! I loved sitting at chilis discussing God, Issachar, and life over a tall beer.

Jasen:
You too have been there for me. I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for your help in molding me. You have been such an inspiration to me. I'll be visiting!

Luke:
For challenging me to grow without losing my roots, for without roots, growth is impossible. You are the man! You too have helped me when I'm down! Move with me man, SacState needs you!

Ryan:
You stretch me! From the Yoga breathing before recording to the political discussions, you stretch me to think outside this box I've built.

Amanda:
You have been there along with Jasen. You have opened you doors to me more than once! I thank you. I also want to thank you for making Jasen the second happiest man in the world! (second to me, I got Stace)

Ben and Paula:
Combining cause I don't get to see either of you half as much as I would like to. I miss you both! Come visit! If you don't, I'll see you in heaven!

Mike DeVries: (Can I put this name here or will my blog get deleted?)
You pushed me to the edge and showed me that is where God wants us. I've learned so much from you. I pray for you and your family as you go into this dangerous work of being sent out to a seemingly blind/deaf crowd.

And most of all,

Stacey:
No, you don't live in SoCal, but we met here. You have changed my world. You have shown me what a woman of God is. You have been wrong, but you admit it. You are usually right and you don't flaunt it. You are home for me. I can live nowhere you are not. You are my love. It holds so much more weight when I use that word now. You are love to me. The personification. I cannot live this far from you anymore. I'll be home tonight my love.

The Rest of You:
You have impacted me, but I am pressed for time and am packing my final bit of stuff from my room. Sacramento is where I'm going for now! Then maybe Portland, maybe Seattle, maybe Michigan. Who the hell knows, and who cares? If it's with Stacey, it's home! Love you all!

The Pics I Promised:

2004-12-12T01:32:00.000-08:00

Donald Trump Strikes Again

2004-12-10T07:54:00.000-08:00

Cody asked, so I will elaborate.

I'm driving home from this amazing weekend (read last post) when I get this voicemail. It's my manager. Ok. I know I got snowed in, he's probably calling to chew me out cause I'm in Redding and I work in 3 hours in LA. Whatever. So I listen to the message.

"Jeff, man, I got some bad news. Sandeep is making me relieve you of your duties at T-Mobile. You and Joey are both terminated as of today. I need your keys to the store or we will take 400 dollars out of your paycheck. I'm sorry, man, just, uh.... just call me."

Thanls Omar. I freaking put in two weeks notice and I'm THAT bad that you need to just let me go? I was a little bit irritated, but hey, I haven't met my quota for sales. Then again, no one has. Wait a minute. So, I get to thinking about why I haven't met my quota. Let's see, I could blame it on the week vacation I took at Thanksgiving to go see the girl of my dreams, but I won't. I'm actually going to go ahead and say it's because I work in Laguna Hills Mall. Quite possibly the only mall in Northern America with no music store, no electronics store, and the highest concentration of Cell Phone stores. Let me go ahead and name off all the providers in the mall: 4 T-Mobile dealers, 3 Sprint dealers, 3 Verizon dealers, 2 AT&T dealers, 2 Cingular dealers, and 2 Nextel dealers. 16 freaking Cell phone dealers. Did I mention we are seriously half a block away from Leisure World, the biggest retirement village in SoCal? So, despite that I sold three phones my first day and that I can't lie about service like everyone else in my store, I got canned. And now my manager won't return my phone calls. Thanks again T-freaking-Mobile!
That sufficient Cody?

Crazy Weekend

2004-12-08T11:03:00.000-08:00

For those that didn't know, I went to Oregon this past weekend with my beautiful girlfriend. I left LA on Thursday night and got to Tracy about 1:30. I was supposed to call Stacey when I got in the area, but she never picked up when I called. When she did call, around 2, she sounded terrified. Apparently her mom had stopped breathing and she had to take her to the emergency room. When she got back to the house, where I was waiting, she was not well. It had been a terrifying experience for her, as it would be for any of us.

The next morning we left for Oregon. We got on the road about 6 and hit Oregon about 2. We baked Christmas cookies, went to Roseburgs famous Los Dos Amigos, and then went to the play my parents were in at FCBC, my old home church. After that we swung by Jerods place to see Cody, Jerod, and Joel. Jerod and Joel are my boys from the days of "fractured image" and "fractured". It was freaking good to see them. There has been this little unspoken tension between us for a while, and it was good to break that. I realized how much I missed my boys. It was good to see Cody too. We haven't had our weekly Adios' in a month and a half now. Nothing better than discussing music, faith, Christ, and girls over a tall beer and fajitas! After seeing them, we went home ate some cookies and crashed.

The next morning we got up, got dressed, and headed up to the wedding. The wedding was amazing. It was good to see my cousin, who was sort of written off by a lot of people, actually pull this off and succeed. I love seeing him love. He is awesome. Stacey and I had our first dance ;) and she got to see the whole family in action. Disturbing! Here is a little bit of God speaking: Stacey caught the bouquet. I caught the garter. If that isn't prophetic, I don't know what is! We had a great time at the wedding and then just went home and crashed.

The next day, we slept in. We made our church outdoors. We went to Diamond Lake and played in the snow! It was fun, only about 6 inches of snow on the ground, but whatever, Californians can't be choosers. We had a load of fun and then came back down the mountain for a dinner at China Palace. Delicious Chinese food! After that, we headed over to Applebees for a nice drink or 4. Then went home and played Password with my parents.

Monday was our day to drive home, but first we had to go cut a Christmas tree from my uncles farm for Staceys parents. We walked around for 45 minutes in the pouring, and I mean POURING rain. We were soaked, but it was fun. We got a tree, tied it to the roof, grabbed some hot chocolate and took off for California. As we headed over the pass, we pulled off to go the bathroom and play in the falling snow which had started an hour before we got there. We stopped at what looked like a little restaurant. When we went in and found we were in an amazing resort. We were roped into eating at the high end restaurant. It was like $20 a plate, so we split one. Then the owner of the place says we should check out the rooms. We both said, no, we have school and work. But as we were walking out, we thought we'd look, since it was a nice place. We went back out to my car, which was now covered in at least 8 inches of snow, and realized that the roads were just not safe. We had slipped and slided all the way up to this point and we weren't even to the top of the pass. So, we got a room at the Callahan. Let me tell you about this room. King Size Bed, Fireplace, Hottub, deck, minibar. Dang, it was nice. And they took our dinner price out of the bill and gve us free breakfast (at 12 dollars a plate). If you ever have the chance visit this place, I know we will be back!

Next day we drove to Tracy, I got fired, and we put up the tree! I'll post pics later, we have lots!

Ode to J*****

2004-12-02T13:18:00.000-08:00

When he was seeing her
You could see he had his doubts
And now he's missing her
Because he knows he's missing out
Now it's haunting him
The memories like a ghost
He's so terrified
Cause no one else even comes close

He's a guy that you should feel sorry for
He had the world but he thought that he wanted more
I owe it all to the mistake that he made back then
I owe it all to my girl's ex-boyfriend

So then, along comes me, this undeserving mess
Who would believe my life would be so blessed
Two years ago he left all that debris
Who would have known it would be everything I need

If it wasn't for him
I would still be searching
If it wasn't for him
I wouldn't know my best friend
If it wasn't for him
He would be able to see
If it wasn't for him
He'd be as happy as me

She and I settled down you can bet
That he is going to have to settle for less
He's someone that I would hate to be
I got the girl and he's left with just the memory...

Confused

2004-11-19T21:52:00.000-08:00

I have this tough question running through my head: How does one gain or acquire salvation?

I know what I've been taught and told through my 21 years, but today it kinda hit me. What is our acceptance of salvation. I mean, the elderly with alzheimers? The Mentally handicapped? I know my grandfather was a devout man of God. I know my sister loves Jesus with all her heart. But, my grandfather passed away without a single memory from his life and my sister cannot fully grasp the Christianity proposed by most people. I mean, can people revert back to before their "age of reason" is that real? Is God, in His perfection, just choosing who is deserving? Give me your thoughts, cause I'm wondering how this works.

I know that none of KNOW how it works, but I'd like your insight.

I speak too fast

2004-11-15T00:54:00.000-08:00

I just went back to a blog I like to read and saw THIS post. Kinda shuts down my last post.

And yet they attack Mike Devries?

2004-11-14T11:20:00.000-08:00

A few quotes that our friend Mike should use to be accepted by evangelicals...

The ACLU's got to take a lot of blame for this.
-- Rev. Jerry Falwell (on 9-11)

AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals. To oppose it would be like an Israelite jumping in the Red Sea to save one of Pharoah's chariotters.
-- Rev. Jerry Falwell

AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals.
-- Jerry Falwell

Billy Graham is the chief servant of Satan.
-- Rev. Jerry Falwell

If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being.
-- Rev. Jerry Falwell

I had a student ask me, "Could the savior you believe in save Osama bin Laden?" Of course, we know the blood of Jesus Christ can save him, and then he must be executed.
-- Rev. Jerry Falwell

I'll tell you what is wrong with America. We don't have enough of God's ministers running the country.
-- Rev. Tim LaHaye

You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense. I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist. I can love the people who hold false opinions but I don't have to be nice to them.
-- Pat Robertson

When I said during my presidential bid that I would only bring Christians and Jews into the government, I hit a firestorm. "What do you mean?" the media challenged me. "You're not going to bring atheists into the government? How dare you maintain that those who believe in the Judeo-Christian values are better qualified to govern America than Hindus and Muslims?" My simple answer is, "Yes, they are."
-- Pat Robertson

If I do not return to the pulpit this weekend, millions of people will go to hell.
-- Rev. Jimmy Swaggart

We don't have to protect the environment, the Second Coming is at hand.
-- James Watt

Lukes Rebuttal

My Reply

A little irritated...

2004-11-14T11:10:00.000-08:00

In reading Jerry Falwells webpage, I found an article linking Marilyn Manson to school shootings. I know this has been said quite a bit, but it is really getting irritating. How can we say that Mansons music made these kids like this? Is it that MM makes kids depressed or is it that depressed kids find his music fitting. When I am happy, I don't throw on my Taking Back Sunday CD, I put it in when I'm down. When I'm down, I don't throw in my Jason Mraz CD. It just doesn't fit.

Honestly, by these standards, we should be linking John Mayer CD sales to the amount of premarital sex in America. I mean, if we look for correlations, we will find them.

My Big Mistake... (long, but please read...)

2004-11-12T14:45:00.000-08:00

For those of you who know me well, you know my sister. Her name is Debi. Debi is an amazing individual. I just officially realized that today. And I miss her to no end. She lives in Roseburg. She is 30-something. I don't know the exact year, but I will never be allowed to not know that her birthday is July 31st.

For those of you who do not know my sister, you are missing out. She happens to be one of the sweetest most beautiful women I know. You should really make every attempt to meet her. Debi can be very blunt at times. I remember quite often hearing her say, "Mom, that meal was interesting" or "I don't want to say you look fat, but..." or "I'm not telling you I got you a CD for Christmas." The thing is, my sister sees the world a little differently than we all do. She has a very optimistic outlook on life. I'm serious. When I'm stressing over paying my phone bill, she's worried about when the next Bill Gaither CD is coming out (it's her favorite group.) When I worry about driving to work and school and how much gas is, she is worried about walking across the street to her job.

Debi is incredible. I've wronged her over and over again. She always forgives me. She never holds it against me. I know my parents love me a lot, but Debi is pretty damn close to loving me equally. She has never missed an event of mine that she could make it to. She has never done anything to me out of spite. She always loves whatever I give her for her birthday, Christmas, and any other occasion. She may already have 3 copies of a CD, but if I give her the same one, she still esteems it higher than anything. Once you become her friend, Debi will never turn her back on you.

I have tears in my eyes while I write this. Why?

Because I distinctly remember the day that I hurt Debi deeper than I could ever know.

She made me upset. As we grew up, that was common. But on this one day, she really made me mad. I turned quickly without thinking and said "Stop it, retard!"

My sister spent every day of her high school career being teased and ridiculed. She would come home crying. Why? Because she heard that every minute of every day of her life. My amazing sister grew up in a world that doesn't understand her. People would call her retarded or stupid or many worse things. Debi grew up knowing she was different. Her 16th birthday came and went with no drivers license. 21 came and went without buying alcohol. Graduation came with no college. Work came with small paychecks. She knows she is different.

My sister still loves me. More than ever. I called her retarded. I stooped to the level of every other f****** jerk, yet she still loves me. It kills me. If I could take back that one day, I would. So, Debi will never read this. But I'm sorry. You mean the world to me Debi. If I could prove that to you, I would. I will try.

That smug smirk

2004-11-03T21:30:00.000-08:00

Yeah, Bush has a smug smirk. Shut up about it. He did win. No one can claim that he isn't their president. He is. He won the Electoral College and the Popular Vote and the Holy Vote (Kidding). He can smirk all he wants and don't even pretend Kerry would not have smirked too. I'm tired of some of the "peace loving" people being complete (pardon my french) asses about this. You want peace, but you'll pick petty fights, tear down Bush signs, and call Bush names... come on. I'm all for peace. I'm all for disagreeing with someone, but really? Can we really be THAT hateful that we say he will ruin the country and he is a F****** Moron? Nope. He did graduate from college kids. You can buy your way in, but you sure as hell earn your way out.

As for all the Kerry haters, shut up as well. I wanted Bush. I would have been bummed had he lost. At the same time, if Kerry won, a lot of Christian America would have had to go to their knees since their "Christian Leader" was no more. Maybe then the American Church would have done something instead of waiting for the president (their Pope) to make laws or say things. If you are under the rule of someone saying exactly what you believe, you run the risk of being complacent and not working for any change yourself.

Call to action: Whether you love him or hate him (their are no in-betweeners in my opinion) you should be on your knees for your self, but more your church, but more your nation, but more your world. We all live on this earth. Let's try to do it together. Don't stop at prayer. DO SOMETHING to change the world.

Spongebob

2004-11-02T16:29:00.000-08:00

Popped in my new spongebob DVD and was about to laugh myself to sleep when I opened Itunes and caught this new video, that blew my mind. It's got some offensive lyrics, but overall it is a good commentary on society. It's called "Underwear Goes Inside the Pants" by Lazyboy. THIS LINK will take you to an MP3 and the lyrics.

A Sample

"People love to judge homeless guys.
Like if you give them money they’re just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do?
Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack?
He’s homeless!"

uh, STOP.

2004-10-31T16:12:00.000-08:00

In reading today on some random Blogs I got quite irritated. I read this on one "The Liberal media is running this country." And this on the other "Bush had listening devices in the debates, but no one will say it cause Bush runs the media."

STOP.

Seriously, conspiracies are lame. Yeah, the people who compile ABC news are slightly of a left leaning and those over at Fox lean a tad to the right. That is just how it works. I would be more willing to say that the news is completely over-editorialized, but to say some leftist runs it or that Bush does, come now. The people of America should know better. If something is said on Fox news that is derogatory of Kerry, you take it with a little grain of salt. When the New York Times publishes 19 front page articles in a row blasting Bush and none of his rival, you take it with a bag o' salt. I mean, this country is split in the middle. If we lived 400 years ago, we would have a civil war. But we don't, so grow up, and stop acting as though this country is founded on conspiracies.

STOP.

I'm sick of it.

John Kerry

2004-10-26T18:34:00.000-07:00

First,
In watching Kerry speak today, I am confused. I didn't hear him say one thing about what he can do for America. I did hear him use false information. The thousands of tons of missing explosives he claims are missing. They were never there, however, Kerry is still trying to attack Bush and Cheney saying they didn't do a good enough job securing it. How do you secure something that isn't there? Ask Kerry.

Second,
I've been hearing how Bush is not pro-life cause he "sent our men and women to war." Let us examine that. First, pro-life implies that Bush a)supports the abortion ban and b)is for people living. Well, he does endorse a ban on abortion. So that is one check in the pro-life bracket. One against Kerry. As for that second check, Bush seems to support a war in which people die. I suppose on that standard, none of us are pro-life, some of you smoke (that kills) some of you drink (that kills) some of you drive cars (they have been known to cause death) some of you eat fast food (that contributes to bad health which can kill) so it sounds like none of us can take that second check. Unless of course you think that a standard THAT extreme is ridiculous. I sure do.
Now, Bush did "send" people to war. Did those people he sent know what they signed up for? I wager that yes, they did. They did sign up for the MILITARY. Most people know that if we are attacked or if we decide to wage war for safety purposes, we usually send the military first. It seems odd to me that people are fine with Kerry killing the helpless children before or as they are born, yet Bush is the devil because he ousted a man who put people into woodchippers feet first so he could hear them scream as they were eaten alive. Whether or not you like the war or think it was legitimate, you are naive to think that Sadaam could have been reasoned with.

So, while I am not the biggest Bush fan, I think that John Kerry has no answers for America.

Don't take any salt. This is all true.

Out of comission

2004-10-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

My parents are here so I am not able to post much. They leave tomorrow, so I'll be back. Nothing really new in my life except a new job. I'm quitting at the game store. I am now working at T-Mobile. Hopefully I'll be making enough money to see Stacey more often. Halloween is on Sunday this year. Let's all protest the work of Satan and his sneaky way of lining up the stars to land this evil day on such a holy day. Stacey and I are still madly in love. We still live too far away. If I don't get in to CHCollege I may be up in Sacramento for a semester. We shall see! So, what are ya'll doing for the unholy day? Any parties I can come to?

Moved by this (#3)

2004-10-19T18:12:00.000-07:00

Jesus Christ, Light of the World
You never did forget me
and when i bled in darkness, You held me
still held me
when desparate nights i cursed You
You loved me, still loved me
Jesus Christ, You dry the tears
You break my heart of stone
Your words are life
cut marrow through
the darkness, to the bone
a heart of flesh You gave me
only You can save me

Double Post

2004-10-19T15:52:00.001-07:00

I'm posting twice in one day. 3 if I get any more emo.

My thought process as of 10 minutes ago. I tell myself that I can only succeed at music in SoCal. True? I don't know. So far, I can't do anything. I'm too busy working and trying to make ends meet to get my music off the ground. Then there's that little girl in Sacramento that is killing me with her absence. Why the hell am I here? I act as though something is keeping me here. South County. Ok, so my church body (which is amazing, I can't lie) but I'm not making any money at that so I can't get ahead. My boss, while cool, is not letting me have consecutive days off so I am stuck with a day here a day there. I'm troubled. I'm not at ease. I know I can lead. I know I can be in ministry. Is southern Orange County my only outlet? If Ryan Walton can be an established worship leader, why can't I? This is killing me folks. Why am I here? Is it where God wants me? I feel I have learned a lot here. But I don't know that it's not time to move on. Help. I'll end with a quote from my dear friend Benji:

"People always tell me this is part of the plan, that God holds everybody in his hands, but I can only pray that God is listening. Is he listening??"

Life may be in Stereo but love is in mono...

2004-10-19T13:55:00.000-07:00

I know that some people thought Stacey and I got a little defensive about our posts. They are right. I offer this as our reasoning.

I know I am going to marry Stacey. When and where I know not. But I do know it is going to happen. That being said, we are doing this long distance. 400 miles. It's not half way around the world, I know. But half a mile would be too far. We are both quite broke. She is a nursing major at Sac state and she is working at Applebees to pay the bills. I'm a musician who can't even record his own songs well and I work as a worship leader and at a boardgame store. Neither of us have enough money to see each other regularly. Her parents have offered to pay for her gas to visit me once a month. We are trying to trade off so we don't abuse the gift her parents gave us.

Once a month folks. That's a four day span that we see each other for. Four days. The shortest month is 28 days. That is a pretty bad ratio. Four days with my future wife. 24 without. I've been told I need to just tough it out and not be so down about it. Yeah? You try it. I don't know many people in this situation right now. I'm 900 miles from my nearest relative, 400 miles from my love, and 75 from the closest friend. Don't tell me I need to get over it. Please. Try it. Then you may complain about my attitude.

So, yes, we did get defensive when people made jokes about us being cheesy. It was bad timing. Not that we can't take jokes. But when I am on day 2 of the next 24 days without Stacey, it is not fun to hear a joke about how lame we are. Sorry if I seemed like an jerk, but understand where I'm coming from.

I love her with all that I am, so all that I am is not all that I can be when she is not near me.

This is Legit!

2004-10-18T23:31:00.000-07:00

CLICK HERE

This is freeipod.com and Wired News gave it a legit rating. Help me get a free Ipod!

Fun Night!

2004-10-17T19:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I don't want to be someone who only links. So, here I go.

Last night was great in many ways. J, Amanda, Nikki, Chuckles, and two of J's friends came to SCU. Stacey was here for the whole weekend, and so we got to hang out and worship (sort of together) (I saw her worshipping as I lead.) All of us hung out at Chili's, where the bartender knows me and Cody by name. Sad, but true.

Stacey and I came back to my place after dinner. We were planning on watching SNL, but got distracted... big time. We sat in my room and talked until 2. She is most definately a mumpkin. I love this girl. We came to so many conclusions. And as the most beautiful night we have ever spent together came to a close, we prayed together. It felt so fitting. Then God decided to be as hoplessly romantic as me, and it started raining. (For those that don't know, I'm from Oregon and miss the rain and Stace wants to live in Seattle because she loves it so much.) It was amazing. Sitting there, hugging each other as the rain pounded down!

Thank you God for my Mumpkin!

A Great Movie!!

2004-10-15T13:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm going to see Huckabees tonight, and hopefully THIS film when it comes out!

A killer site

2004-10-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

Check THIS site out

My Love

2004-10-12T16:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, she has finally joined us. Stacey has finally joined the blog world. And she has long posts. But well worth the read.

Memory...

2004-10-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

I hate mine. I know I have more than plenty of beautiful memories, yet the ones that come back to me again and again are the horrid ones. Why? I cannot stop thinking about this memory. It involves two memories actually, one I wasn't present for and the other I was on the phone for. Two seperate nights. Two events that haunt me. I want innocence for the person involved. I can't change these things. I can't even be remorseful, I wasn't involved. But it is killing me. Two people involved. I love one, want to destroy the other.

Here is my biggest problem: I know I need to forgive the guy and move on. But I'm finding it so difficult. He stole what I thought I had! I actually would say I HATE this person! How can I do that? I sit here typing this knowing I need to change, but I can't!! I feel so devestated by these thoughts. It is ruining me. I need to get the hell over it! But part of me doesn't want to. I want this pain. Cause now I have something to blame when I hurt. I don't want to be left hurting with no visable reason. So, One of you knows who you are. And I must say, I'm sorry! You know I love you! I will change. Give me time... Kill the memory.

Tough Days

2004-10-06T13:40:00.000-07:00

So, I'm freaking burned out! I'm getting better. Finally got a job. Still no way to go see Stace. Anyone want to donate gas money? Anyway, saw Don Miller last night. He was an amazing speaker! When they put the audio clip up on the net, I'll link it for you all. Here is the (paraphrased) statement that I loved most:

Our minds merely justify what our hearts make us do.

Just making sure...

2004-10-03T20:26:00.000-07:00

Just want to be sure you are all reading my boy Cody Brockelmyer's blog. He is new to the blog scene, but he has some GOOD thoughts. Check him out!

Is it just me, or is the future f'ing scary - Cody B

2004-09-30T17:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, Cody, it is. So, Brock (that's Cody) and I were talking again last night. We always seem to get in deep life talks. I can't tell if we are just on a different level friendship wise or if the alcohol effects us that quickly. Anyway, we are sitting in the spa, martinis in one hand, wine in the other (this is sounding so homo-erotic right now) talking about life. We got onto the subject of love. Not with each other, we are both taken. His girl lives in Idaho and mine lives in Sac. But, in love, there seems to be many coincidences. Cody's girlfriend asked him what the most romantic moment he could think of was. After a week of thinking, he came back with his answer. He chose the Bible story of Jacob working for Rachel then waiting seven years and getting the wrong wife and having to work for seven more. Not too long after that, his girlfriend has to move back to Idaho. Coincidence? God trying to speak to him? All this to say, how do we discern a coincidence from a "sign" or affirmation? I mean, Stacey and I have had innumerable amounts of what seem to be affirmations. I just pray they are. Not really as deep as I wanted this to be, but oh well. It's how I spent my evening. With Cody. And the guys at GreyStrokes. PEACE

Good is Better's worst enemy

2004-09-23T17:12:00.000-07:00

My friend Cody and I sat at Chili's today and talked for about 3 hours. We talked about our old home (Roseburg), our old friends (Roseburg Dwellers), and the new rollercoaster of life we have discovered. Both of us are 21, broke, and trying to make it as musicians. It became apparent to both of us that this way of life (that of struggling to get by, not sure of our next move) was somewhat satisfying! Not like we want to be here forever, but it is so much better when good things happen! If both of us were handed everything we wanted on silver platters, we wouldn't enjoy the things that really matter in life. Things like friends, love, sitting in a bar drinking water talking about how much our families love us despite our lack of visible direction. Not to say I haven't been handed things, I sure have. My parents love to give me whatever I want, but them not being here and me not having funds or the desire to call them and ask for money (anymore) has changed my outlook.

One more observastion we made was that in God's creation, no animals or plants that survive in the wild were given an easy start. Baby chicks, for instance, must break out of their shells without help. They have to be strong. If you help, they die. Baby Kangaroos are born and then must crawl, without help, into their mothers pouch. That to say, if any of us want to get anywhere in life, we have to do it ourselves. We can't sit and ask for it to be handed to us! So get off your butt and go for it, eh? I know, it is a bunch of useless babbling. Take your salt. I won't tell.

Movies...

2004-09-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm looking online to find good make-you-cry movies. Can't find a legit list. So, I've decided to make my own! Here it is my list of made-me-tear-up movies. I recommend renting them. Or borrowing them from me. I own most of them.

Pieces of April
Children of Heaven
Color of Paradise
Walk to Remember (I'm really not lame, it just hit me)
I am Sam
Rainman
Garden State (shut up, you know you did)
Green Mile (not the end, but before that it is awesome)
About Schmidt

That's it for now.. I may add to the list... We'll see!

S@*# can happen

2004-09-22T16:32:00.000-07:00

But I still get to see Stacey this weekend! This week and all it's problems can take a fricking hike, my amazing girlfriend is coming to town! We get to paint, go on a date, watch Garden State, chill at a park, as well as other things. More than that though, I get to see the girl I am madly in love with! I hope everyhing is going well for everyone! It wasn't for me, but now it is! My dream won't be 400 miles from my nightmare this weekend!! She will be here making it not a nightmare! I love you Stacey!

2004-09-21T18:45:00.000-07:00

This is what all Christians need