Memory...

I hate mine. I know I have more than plenty of beautiful memories, yet the ones that come back to me again and again are the horrid ones. Why? I cannot stop thinking about this memory. It involves two memories actually, one I wasn't present for and the other I was on the phone for. Two seperate nights. Two events that haunt me. I want innocence for the person involved. I can't change these things. I can't even be remorseful, I wasn't involved. But it is killing me. Two people involved. I love one, want to destroy the other.

Here is my biggest problem: I know I need to forgive the guy and move on. But I'm finding it so difficult. He stole what I thought I had! I actually would say I HATE this person! How can I do that? I sit here typing this knowing I need to change, but I can't!! I feel so devestated by these thoughts. It is ruining me. I need to get the hell over it! But part of me doesn't want to. I want this pain. Cause now I have something to blame when I hurt. I don't want to be left hurting with no visable reason. So, One of you knows who you are. And I must say, I'm sorry! You know I love you! I will change. Give me time... Kill the memory.