My Big Mistake... (long, but please read...)

For those of you who know me well, you know my sister. Her name is Debi. Debi is an amazing individual. I just officially realized that today. And I miss her to no end. She lives in Roseburg. She is 30-something. I don't know the exact year, but I will never be allowed to not know that her birthday is July 31st.

For those of you who do not know my sister, you are missing out. She happens to be one of the sweetest most beautiful women I know. You should really make every attempt to meet her. Debi can be very blunt at times. I remember quite often hearing her say, "Mom, that meal was interesting" or "I don't want to say you look fat, but..." or "I'm not telling you I got you a CD for Christmas." The thing is, my sister sees the world a little differently than we all do. She has a very optimistic outlook on life. I'm serious. When I'm stressing over paying my phone bill, she's worried about when the next Bill Gaither CD is coming out (it's her favorite group.) When I worry about driving to work and school and how much gas is, she is worried about walking across the street to her job.

Debi is incredible. I've wronged her over and over again. She always forgives me. She never holds it against me. I know my parents love me a lot, but Debi is pretty damn close to loving me equally. She has never missed an event of mine that she could make it to. She has never done anything to me out of spite. She always loves whatever I give her for her birthday, Christmas, and any other occasion. She may already have 3 copies of a CD, but if I give her the same one, she still esteems it higher than anything. Once you become her friend, Debi will never turn her back on you.

I have tears in my eyes while I write this. Why?

Because I distinctly remember the day that I hurt Debi deeper than I could ever know.

She made me upset. As we grew up, that was common. But on this one day, she really made me mad. I turned quickly without thinking and said "Stop it, retard!"


My sister spent every day of her high school career being teased and ridiculed. She would come home crying. Why? Because she heard that every minute of every day of her life. My amazing sister grew up in a world that doesn't understand her. People would call her retarded or stupid or many worse things. Debi grew up knowing she was different. Her 16th birthday came and went with no drivers license. 21 came and went without buying alcohol. Graduation came with no college. Work came with small paychecks. She knows she is different.

My sister still loves me. More than ever. I called her retarded. I stooped to the level of every other f****** jerk, yet she still loves me. It kills me. If I could take back that one day, I would. So, Debi will never read this. But I'm sorry. You mean the world to me Debi. If I could prove that to you, I would. I will try.