I've started typing this post four times so far and I keep deleting it. I feel so void of passion. I can't write. Nothing sounds good to me. I feel like the weight of all my thoughts is crushing my spirit. I've got all these causes I want to stand for but I can't stand for all of them. I'm tired of being put down for my thoughts. I feel so trapped. I want to sing my songs, play my guitar, and make people happy with music, but I'm stuck working at a pizza place and going to school. Work is work, but I am tired of being underpaid. I know everyone says it, but I'm manager status at this place and I get paid 4 dollars less than the other manager. I don't want his rate of pay, but I'd like some sort of compensation for doing manager duties.
I hate school. I have no goal. I'm going to school so my degree is my safety net. I don't want a safety net. If I have one, I don't have to succeed. I want to go whole heartedly at my music. I feel burned out right now.
I want someone to trust in me. Tell me that school isn't a thing we should all have to do. I want to sing. I want to play. I don't want a million dollars. I want to pay the bills by playing music. Is that too much to ask?
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4 comments:
Hang in there, man. No other sage words than that.
Jeff, you have passion and drive, and that isn't something everyone can boast about. You have passion for your Lord (most important) passion for art (second most important) and passion for people (well... okay, that's really no. 2, but hey...).
I don't know any stupid magic words that will make things feel better- they don't exist. I could tell you that it is times when it is hard when who you are shows through the best- when you trudge on even thought it is difficult- and it would be true but trite and you'd walk away not feeling any better.
All this to say: I have faith in you. Just hang on. It might not be sunny tomorrow- it might not be sunny ever again. But you are doing what God wants you to do- music. There's no higher calling, even if it makes you feel shitty.
Quit school. Start chasing your dream
I agree with Stacey. Quit school. You can always go back. As I see it, there are 2 options:
1) You succeed in music, and your formal education never helps boost your salary. Okay, so you wasted how many years doing something that never paid off?
2) You need to fall back on your education, for whatever reason. But you're not going to make that decision quickly. You won't leap from musician to executive manager in one step. You'll do little shitty jobs to supplement what you get from music. When you finally decide you need to switch careers, you will be devastated. I would go back to school then when you have time to figure out another career path.
Either way, it seems best to put school on hold for a while and see where life takes you.
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